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If
her past were your past, her
pain your pain, her level of
consciousness your level of
consciousness, you would think
and act exactly as she does.
With this realization comes
forgiveness, compassion, peace. -- Eckhart Tolle
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When
I read the above words for the first
time, I had a very emotional
response. They rang so true.
Nobody can ever know what it's
like to live the life of another
human being. Who can deny that walking a mile
in someone else's shoes would
put a very different perspective
on our opinions and judgments. Have
you ever stopped to think why
someone said or did what they
did? How often do you silently
(or not) criticize the homeless person
pushing a shopping cart down the
road? (S)he doesn't need to
do that. (S)he should get a job
and make something of her/himself! How
can we know the reason why that
person is where they are? What
events in their past led to
their present situation? What is
his/her pain? Eckhart Tolle reminds us
that if we were that person and
had lived their life, we would
be exactly where they are... and
I believe him. Since
reading the words in Stillness
Speaks, I have
made a point of applying them to
many past and present
relationships - especially to people who have
'hurt' me. My first husband was
abusive and an alcoholic. What
made him do what he did? What
events in HIS life caused him to
carry around so much pain that
he would inflict suffering
on another human being - someone
he professed to love? This
was long before I became aware
of ego, the pain-body and other
topics Eckhart discusses in his
books The Power of Now, A New
Earth, Stillness Speaks,
etc. so
I don't know. We
never discussed the subject,
which was a shame because all relationships
provide us the
opportunity to go beyond egoic
limitations - if we are
conscious of it. The
pain-body that Eckhart
Tolle talks about is the accumulated pain that
we all carry to some degree
or another. He likens it to an
entity that takes over our
personality and makes us act in ways we
would never act otherwise. We
may question whether a person
really loves us if they cause us
so much distress. How can (s)he
do that if (s)he loves me?
But we have to remember that the
persona that causes the distress
is NOT who that person truly is.
It's an impostor! Is
that why my ex-husband was
always so remorseful after a
violent incident? I tend to believe
it was. We've
all had experiences where we
don't know why we did or said
what we did and regret our words
or actions. Could the pain-body
be responsible? Do we all live
with another persona that
creates less than desirable
experiences? Understanding
that an individual's pain-body
is the source of their actions
doesn't mean that their
behaviour is justified -
especially if it's abusive. If
we're sufficiently conscious,
there can be an opportunity to
overcome the situation, but I
would never recommend
anyone stay in a violent
relationship. My
only purpose in using this as an
example is that it illustrates
the extent someone can go to if
their pain-body is big enough. I
also want to help you realize
that it's possible to forgive
someone's actions if we stop to
think about their reasons for
doing whatever they did. If
their past and pain was our
past and pain, could we
act any differently? Some
refer to the pain-body as the
emotional body, but it really
doesn't matter what label we attach
to it. The effect is the same.
We all suffer to some degree or
another. We've
become so identified with our
various roles,
with our misery, with being a
victim of someone else's
behaviour (our
codependency)
that it's impossible to do
anything other than try to get
through whatever painful
episode we're going through at
the moment hoping life gets
better... sooner rather than
later! We
all experienced emotional hurts
as a child: The validation we
craved was never forthcoming; the
hug we needed when we were struggling for one reason or
another wasn't there; we were criticized
for simply being a child and
doing child-like things. There
were numerous occasions where we
sought love and support, but did
not find it. To what extent are
we damaged by that? Some
children experience even more
horrific events that would wound
anyone and they carry those
memories with them consciously
or sometimes even unconsciously
into adulthood.
How are we to know what has
created an individual's
pain-body? The simple answer is:
We can't. Nobody
is without pain in some form or
another. Shouldn't we remember
that the next time we're faced
with a verbal attack, or someone
has a different opinion to our
self, or someone doesn't say or
do what we think they 'should'?
It doesn't hurt to remember that
if we were that person and were
living their life,
we would think and act exactly
as they do! With
this understanding comes peace
and compassion, and there isn't any
need for forgiveness. How can
you 'forgive' something that
comes from such a source? |
